Today I went to the grocery store with my mom and grandmother and while we were checking out, some older man says “Ohhhh, Nice! Young Lady! Have Mercy," to me! I was really pissed!
The thing about catcalling though is that a lot of people kind of make it seem like its less of a big deal than it is and that women should be okay with it… And no one should have to be okay with being catcalled. Here are my reasons:
I wasn’t asking for it
A lot of times people shrug it off and say something like “Well if you dress like that you’re just asking for it.” Nope… I was wearing a sweater… a mock turtleneck actually, jeans, and a large peacoat. This isn’t any different than how I normally dress. I shouldn’t have to modify my dress for my safety… also I’m not sure how I could exactly be wearing anything more reserved. It’s a striped sweater with a slouchy turtleneck… I definitely wasn’t asking for it.
I was wearing makeup… but that’s another thing I do every day. I have a beauty blog, I was doing a Victoria Secret Fashion Show inspired look for the holidays… so I maybe looked a little different than usual… but I shouldn’t have to feel less safe just because I was having a good makeup day.
I shouldn’t have to feel less safe for any reason.
2) It isn’t just a compliment
People also shrug it off like “Ohhh he was just complimenting you.” But no, say it to my face then, don’t frickin call it at me in a grocery store. If he had said something like “Ohh you look very nice today” or something along those lines it would have been far less creepy and I would have felt comfortable in the situation. I’m a lady, compliment me like one! Thank you!
3) That’s just how men are!
No. It’s not. Men, I give you a little more credit than that. I don’t think it’s just in your DNA to just blurt out inappropriate things to any attractive woman you see. I’m sorry if you feel conditioned to do this because this is what society thinks of you… but you’re reading a feminist blog. Good for you! You have enough sense to change things!
4) It Creates a Weird Complex
It does kind of create a weird complex for women. Like me going “ohhh I shouldn’t wear makeup if I don’t want to get hit on and I should wear makeup if I want to get hit on.” Nope. I should wear or not wear makeup whenever the hell I feel like it. I shouldn’t have to modify my appearance based on approval from any man.
Also imagine getting catcalled one day, then not getting catcalled the next day. Or listening to a friend get catcalled and not you… it is just an overall crappy feeling and gives us a complex. Plus then thinking “Ohhh I should feel like it was a compliment, I shouldn't complain about being pretty.” No. It isn’t right. It shouldn’t have to feel like its alright. No one should really have to feel that way.
5) It Is Genuinely Uncomfortable
It’s something that is always surprising and I, for one, have no idea how to respond to, and I’m not all that quiet when I feel like something isn’t right… You could respond angrily,but who knows what that will do. You can’t really predict people nowadays… and you dont’ know when someone is going to do something to put you in danger… which is why no woman genuinely likes being catcalled in the first place.
This particular instance was not particularly threatening. It was someone older, I was in a public place with my mom and grandmother… but it was still just an uncomfortable feeling. I was a little embarrassed because I was with relatives. I was also at a checkout line at the grocery store and we were already having a frustrating time at the register… so you know what they say never be mean to someone because you don’t know what they’re going through… also don’t harass or catcall them because even if its happening right in front of you… you don’t really know what someone is going through. This wasn’t my only frustration with men that day and I was frustrated at the checkout line and everything was just kind of making me angry to begin with and then this guy has to say something… and it just makes me even more angry.
6) I Don’t Think Respect and Safety are Too Much To Ask For
Seriously… that’s all women want. We don’t feel respected when you’re judging us based off of our appearance randomly in a supermarket and it does make us feel unsafe and safety is one of those “basic human rights” that people seem to think is such a terrible thing to ask for. I shouldn’t have to feel threatened in the checkout line at a grocery store… or anywhere else for that matter!
Hopefully this shed a little light on this issue and let everyone know, its okay to not feel okay. It’s okay to be angry at it.
And I’d like to open up the conversation a little: How do you feel when you’re being catcalled? Do you feel like you should feel complimented but feel grossed out? Do you feel like you should feel grossed out, but you feel complimented? I’m open to all viewpoints. Judgement free zone here as long as you’re a nice, respectful person and everyone is nice to each other!
Bye!
-Shannon
I identify on the aro/ace spectrum. I consider myself somewhere between asexual and demisexual. As someone who very rarely experiences any sexual attraction, catcalling feels like a violation of my identity; it's intrusive. It makes me outraged that someone could feel that they have the right to sexualize my body.
ReplyDeleteYes, that is intrusive and not very respectful to people's sexual or gender identities. Thanks for your perspective!
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